Guess what, MOMS STILL HAVE SEX! Yes, I know shocking right.
A lot changes after having a baby. One of the most significant changes, is your body. Not only are there going to be some changes to your body on the outside, but there will be changes on the inside. Specifically, sex after baby will change, and that is NOT a bad thing. It may seem scary and I know some women have anxiety over having sex for the first time after baby, but I personally think it’s like having sex with your partner for the first time.
When my doctor gave me the green light to have sex again, she gave me a few pointers to help make the experience less, ummm….painful. Of course I went home and consulted Dr. Google in hopes of getting a little bit more advice from some fellow moms. Per the usual, I was overwhelmed by the amount of information and opinions that flossed my phone screen.
So naturally I decided to add my own take to the mix. I have narrowed it down to five simple tips to get you started, whether it’s your first time having sex after baby, or you hundredth, I believe these tips will help EVERY woman, not just mothers.
First, I want to make sure I say this, there is nothing wrong with you if you do not feel comfortable enough jumping back into bed the second your doctor gives you the thumbs up. Between lack of sleep, possibly breastfeeding, taking care of a baby all day, not showering for days on end, and a thousand other things, you might just not be in the mood for your partner to touch you. Maybe you would rather take a long hot bath, or squeeze in a nap when you can. That is all totally normal, and you are not “failing” your partner. They will understand, and if they don’t well they will just get over it. Just make sure you have that conversation together.
1. Reintroduce yourself to, well…. yourself.
Yes. No one knows you better than you know yourself, and no one should know you better than you. Maybe you weren’t big into self love before baby, maybe the idea seems taboo. Well I am here to tell you, DO YOU. And you know what I mean. Take an hour, give the baby to your partner, shut the bedroom door, turn on some music, light some candles, maybe hop into a warm bubble bath.
2. Talk with your partner
In most things in life, communication is key. Sit down and talk about the fears you may have about having sex, or any emotions you might be feeling. Make sure you explain, that things are going to be different and the same old dance routine might not do it for you anymore. Sometimes men can be simple, and when they find a strategy that works, they tend to stick with it forever. If you have taken the time to get to know your new self, tell your partner what you liked.
Once you are in the heat of the moment; make sure to KEEP communicating. Maybe you are usually quite and reserved, but now is the time to speak your mind. At this point your partner is probably driving blind, so it’s up to you to let them know what to do. They will appreciate getting a little directions and not feeling so lost.
3. Lube, it’s more important than you think!
My doctor stressed how important it was that if we haven’t already, we started using lube. She said after having a baby, and especially if you are breast feeding, your body body doesn’t produce the natural lubricant during sex, that it usually does. This can make sex a little, uncomfortable. Don’t forget the scar tissue that you may have after tearing.
Invest in a good water- based lube. Why water-based? Water-based lubes are perfect for first time lube users. They are ideal for people with vaginal irritation and/or sensitive skin, you know that comes with having a baby. Water based lubes can be used with condoms and sex toys, but they can not be used for shower sex. Another downside is that water based lubes tend to get sticky, so you may have to reapply a couple times during longer sessions.
I recommended getting a few and trying them out, and seeing what works best for you. I have included a few brands below that have been recommended to me by a good friend of mine.
4. Toys, they aren’t just for kids
Uh oh! Another “taboo” topic we aren’t suppose to talk about. Well, news flash, sometimes a woman CAN’T orgasm with out a little outside stimulation. Maybe before baby you could orgasm with some basic penetrative sex, but now everything’s changed and you need to bring in the big guns. This is were vibrators come into play. Now, you don’t need to go out and buy the biggest most expensive vibrator out there. A small pocket vibrator will do the trick. However, I suggest something water proof, and that has a few different settings that you can play around with and feel what works best for you! Before you use your toys with your partner, be sure to try them out by yourself first. The two below come highly recommended by a friend of mine Samara Terese, you can check out her blog at Barely Surviving My Twenties
5. Get rid of the kid!
That sounds harsh, I know. But there are two things that are total mood killers. One, a dog jumping on the bed trying to lick your husbands butt. And two, a baby who wakes up screaming and wants to be feed. The dog you can stick outside or give them some peanut butter until you are done. But you can’t really just stick your baby outside for a half hour. You can, however, ask a friend or relative to babysit for a few hours. If you’re child is in daycare by now, you can leave work early to have a little rendezvous with your partner before you go and pick up your sweet little one. It doesn’t make you a bad mother to take time for yourself and your partner!
I remember someone gave me a little piece of advice after I had my baby. They said “Your child is going to leave you in eighteen years, and that’s good, that is suppose to happen. But your marriage lasts forever. So don’t forget to take care of your marriage and each other.”
-Disclosure: Bear in mind that some of the links in this post are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase I will earn a commission. Keep in mind that I link these companies and their products because of their quality and not because of the commission I receive from your purchases. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you–